I realized that I am capital-B Basic last night.* I went out for a drink last night with a humanbagel. Humanbagel was perfectly nice, but I realized we may be fundamentally incompatible when he referenced a) reading Gore Vidal and b) loving 1950s classic movies.
I was impressed by these references! I thought about how nice it would be to have a life of curling up in a wingback chair, wearing a thick cable-knit sweater (apres-ski of course, duh) to read 1876 or watch Casablanca….
But then I thought about: 1) actually having to find a flattering cable-knit sweater (way harder than it sounds if you’re pear shaped!), 2) the inherent discomfort of wing-back chairs, and 3) what it would be like to actually sit down and read/watch something highbrow, and…. it just sounded exhausting. I’d much rather watch Mean Girls again on my couch, which over the years has conformed to the shape of my butt. And I’d rather throw some vodka in a La Croix than drink, like, wine or something. I guess the life of sophistication and class is just not for moi.
As I was considering this, more and more facets of my Basic taste occurred to me, and I compiled a partial list:
- Queso in a jar! It’s so orange and so delicious!
- One Direction! Zayne, you beautiful idiot, why did you have to break up the perfect band?
- Corona! Suck it craft beer!
- Pretty Little Liars! Is it a show for tweens? Yes. Is it the most entertaining hour on television? YES.
- Starbucks coffee! Is there much, much better coffee within a few minutes’ walk of where I live and work? Yes! Am I still perfectly happy to slurp my caffeine through that distinctive green straw? Absolutely!
- Carnations! So after I became a law-bot, I made friends with some gals at my law firm. In hindsight, I can see that they may have been completely and totally heinous… but when you’re in a foxhole (i.e. Biglaw) you kinda take what you can get.Anyway, we all went out for drinks one time and noticed a very obvious first (probably blind) date going on in the corner. My then-friends noticed that the gentleman in question brought a bouquet of what they referred to as “grocery store carnations” for his date. The woman clearly didn’t appreciate the offering, and my dining companions didn’t either, theorizing that they’d dump somebody on the spot if he showed up with such “hideous, tacky” flowers. Well you know what? Fuck that. I say if a dude puts enough thought into your date to bring carnations, well, you have found one of the few gentlemen left on earth who cares about making a good impression. Bring ’em on!
That’s my list for now; I’ll keep you updated on as Basic Watch continues. Until then, in the immortal words of 1D:
All I know at the end of the day is you want what you want and you say what you say
And you’ll follow your heart even though it’ll break
All I know at the end of the day is love who you love
There ain’t no other way
If there’s something I’ve learnt from a million mistakes
You’re the one that I want at the end of the day
*Being basic is not a bad thing! It is not a critique, or diss, or effort at self-deprecation. It is an important and empowering moment of self realization! Let thy weaknesses be thy strengths!