A couple months ago, crushed under a boulder of post-breakup despair and loneliness, I girded my ladyballs and put myself out on the Internet to be rejected by an infinitely wider universe of men (hey there single gentlemen! who has two thumbs and is still up for grabs? it’s me!). I have basically forsaken OKCupid because it is a miserable hellscape of infinite bad options… But today I was reminded that the Internet dating pool is composed of real human beings, some of whom are not monsters or manbabies!1
Got an email from OKC letting me know that some poor schmuck “liked” me, lord help him, and I actually learned something nice from reading his profile!2 My lit education is so bad that I had never before read this Longfellow poem, but it is lovely and I shall reproduce it here for you to enjoy:
Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!—
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.
Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.
Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.
In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!
Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,—act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!
Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;
Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.
Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.
Take heart, ye struggling internet daters! There is still poetry in the world!
1. referring here to the emotional state, not the fetish– I would way prefer the latter to the former
2. His favorite TV show is Jeff Dunham, so I don’t think we’re exactly a match made in Heaven, but still, how nice!