I <3 Network TV – Speechless Edition

Hey y’all, anyone else up for spending the weekend indoors binging on television? You cold-weather people know what I’m talking about. West coasters, you know you want to hide from the sunshine like an antisocial vampire (DAMMIT THAT SPARKLING GETS ANNOYING!)

Fortunately for you, you are now fully educated about/on board with the idea that network TV can be rad. You’ve stayed up until four in the morning, mainlining chocolate syrup and getting caught up on Son of Zorn, and

you

loved

it.

Thank goodness you have me to recommend a new comedy, because I’m telling you right now to go indoors and flip on your boob tube to watch Speechless. ABC description as follows:

Maya DiMeo (Minnie Driver) is a mom on a mission who will do anything for her husband Jimmy, her kids Ray, Dylan, and JJ, her eldest son with cerebral palsy. As Maya fights injustices both real and imagined, the family works to make a new home for themselves, and searches for just the right person to give JJ his “voice.”

The writing’s on point, the jokes are sharp, the show has a warm but snappy voice, and the entire cast knocks it out of the park. Plus there’s a goofily hot TV dad! (a modern archetype which I’ll be discussing in depth in a future post– stay tuned). The premise is heavy but the show is the opposite of a bummer– I promise. I haven’t led you astray before and I won’t do it now. Watch Speechless and let me know what you think!

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Another One Bites the Dust (or OMG Nick GO AWAY already)

Y’all, we did it! We made it through an entire season of Vile Viall’s Qwest for Twue Wuv! I can hear your sighs of relief all the way through the series of tubes. 1 We’re not entirely out of the woods, but if we can just hold our breaths through a couple weeks of Dancing With the Stars then V-squared’s 15 minutes should be over. 2

Anyone else get the sense that ABC was equally ready for this “love story” to be over? That’s all I can come up with for why forced Rachel to meet four dum-dums early. I.e. sprung the “most shocking surprise in Bachelor history,” which Chis promised would “knock your Spanx off.” Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. Clearly ABC noticed that Nick and Vanessa are the romantic equivalent of burnt oatmeal and thought they could distract us all with jazz hands. Well ABC, my Spanx remained firmly on, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

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You Win This Round, OKCupid

A couple months ago, crushed under a boulder of post-breakup despair and loneliness, I girded my ladyballs and put myself out on the Internet to be rejected by an infinitely wider universe of men (hey there single gentlemen! who has two thumbs and is still up for grabs? it’s me!). I have basically forsaken OKCupid because it is a miserable hellscape of infinite bad options… But today I was reminded that the Internet dating pool is composed of real human beings, some of whom are not monsters or manbabies!1

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Women Tell All (Oh Yeah They Do)

Y’ALL! Isn’t it nice when you’re moseying through your life, facing an experience that you expect to be painful, and then it turns out that you have a great time? I was expecting Women Tell All to be a slog– it’s so tedious when women just talk talk talk, they should just shut up and look pretty, amirite?!?!? — but then this very special 2 hour extravaganza turned out to be a delight! What was so great about it, you ask?

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Coats Coats Coats! (Or, Le Fantasy Suite)

Y’all, let me start by saying that I absolutely dreaded sitting through three hours of Vile Viall’s quest for Twue Wuv. I might have bailed on this whole enterprise were it not for good friends, some delicious chili and half a bottle of red wine. In an effort to process the whole experience without getting overwhelming, I’m going to break up the recap and separate the final fantasy suite hour from the women tell all. TBH even thinking about this whole thing again makes me wish I had the other half of that bottle to pour down my gullet right this second…. Let’s get this over with, shall we?

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I <3 Network TV!

You guys, news flash. It’s time to start watching network TV again.

Yeah yeah, we all know about Mad Men, Broad City, Game of Thrones…. we all know the list of cool-person-approved shows. I agree with you that the first season of Mr. Robot is really something. Breaking Bad is unprecedented TV, I know I know. But I have noticed that premium cable has the tendency to leave me feeling kind of… bummed? disturbed? depressed? The whole purpose of these types of shows is to test the limits, throw you off, keep you off kilter. Right now the name of the game is discomfort… and sometimes I’m just not up for that…. Which is why I’m going to make my pitch for the warm embrace of network TV (in this instance, specifically, comedies).

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