Byeeeeee Bip

You guys, this is what giving up looks like.

I don’t know if I have the heart to talk about the Bachelor franchises anymore.

When I started Never Leave Your Apartment all those years months ago, one of my goals was to dig deep into reality TV and provide y’all with my Hawt Takes– but I didn’t anticipate this evolving into the Bachelor-centric forum that it has become. After all, there’s so much reality TV out there to explore– Dance Moms! Millionaire Matchmaker! HGTV! An endless world of possibilities!!! And now, I think it may be time to take a step back from the Bachelor and remind myself of the big, wide world out there. You know it’s bad when Abby Lee Miller is a better alternative to your show…..

Here’s why I’m down on the BIP (please pronounce it The Bip, kthx).

  1. I have no idea how they can continue filming after the DeMario/Corinne incident (and to be clear, neither DeMario nor Corinne is blaming the other for this– and as Diggy/Raven pointed out, both DeMario and Corinne will suffer long-term in different ways for this incident). What depresses me about humanity is that people will entirely forget about the dark underbelly of the Bip and will continue to ingest its mindless slurry of cheap rewards. What depresses me about myself is that I will not forget about the dark underbelly but will still tune in every week.
  2. I urped pretty hard at Chris Harrison’s therapy session with the contestants wherein everyone parroted talking points from WB’s legal/PR departments. Chris Harrison is way too gross to lead a seminar on consent and race relations. At least Raven and Diggy had the decency to acknowledge the effects this situation will have on the actual people who were actually involved as part of their actual lives. Although they, too, expressed no hesitation about continuing the season.
  3. Chris Harrison is also way too gross to marry people, although I suppose he is the officiant that Evan and Carly deserve. I personally have never witnessed such a breathtaking example of a woman settling for a bag full of external validation.
  4. Taylor’s still suuuuper annoying and her voice is super annoying and I cannot believe I am expected to root for her as an example of Twue Wuv. GUESS WHAT YOU CAN SAY ENTREPRENEWER AND IT’S FINE. I understand why people hate millenials now.
  5. All the dudes just want to hang with their bros and that is not great TV.
  6. Dean is doing Kristina dirty and I can’t take it.
  7. Matt is doing Jasmine dirty and I can’t take it.
  8. Everyone is doing Lacey dirty (including the opening credits– Lacey, you’re better than this! but maybe you aren’t, if Canadian Daniel is your everything?) and I can’t take it.
  9.  Jack Stone is one step closer to dying alone and I can’t take it.

 

That being said… if I’m being real I’ll keep watching (and writing about it) but I do feel better from getting that off my chest at least. See y’all in Paradise because we are all walking piles of garbage.

 

 

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