Love Hurts– So Maybe Just Settle (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Accept Bryan)

Y’all, I have been thinking about Rachel’s Bachelorette season on and off over the summer. Partly because Dean really proved himself to be a certified, grade-A Hot Mess once left to his own devices in Paradise. But partly because a question has really nagged at me– could Rachel really, truly be happier with Bryan than with Peter? After that brutal final encounter of raw heartbreak between Peter and Rachel– and the quick edit to the “happy ending” of Bryan offering Rachel a typically fugly Neil Lane sparkler– I have had a hard time buying into the possibility that Rachel actually made the right choice….

But now I’m not so sure.

The more I think about it (and the more of my eggs that jump off a cliff, screaming about their certain doom) I have come around to the idea of Bryan. Yes, he probably has cheek implants…. Yes, he comes off as smarmy and not very bright…. Yes, his relationship with his mother is completely toxic to any woman who tries to establish a romantic relationship with him…. Ok, that one is still a dealbreaker. But maybe the other ones aren’t.

Because what he does offer is complete, unquestioning admiration and belief that Rachel is the be-all, end-all of women. Peter appreciated Rachel’s depth and multiple layers, could speak with her (kind of) like an equal, and was (kind of) interesting. Oh, plus his cheeks were normal. But Peter had doubts. Doubts about whether Rachel was the one, and about whether his relationship with her could stand the buffeting of life’s ever-changing winds.

Doubt almost killed Tinkerbell, and doubt kills twue love too.

Think about it. What’s the #1 thing two people who love each other have to do to make it work? Believe that they can make it work. It seems to me that for people who are generally adult, reliable, trustworthy, etc. (no cheating, no major incompatibilities about finances, children, etc.) that believing that the relationship will make it if they do the work to stick together– is what keeps people doing the work to stick together.

If you’re a Doubting Peter… you’re always looking for reasons that things are going to fall apart. But if you’re a Believer Bryan… you’re a committer. You might not be perfect but you will show up no matter what. And for a high-strung/insecure gal like Rachel (and, let’s face it– many of us, in modern society)– that’s the encouragement you need to keep things alive in your own mind. If you’re with a doubter, you doubt. If you’re with a believer, you believe.

So maybe Bryan was the right choice after all. Mazel tov, you crazy kids.




  1. this is an incredibly hot take.

    I just see his adoration as a thing that wears off and dulls after a while and wouldn’t we all rather have a partner at the end? I don’t know!

    And also, doesn’t Rachel have doubts about her intended? Doubter + believer = neutral? Again, I don’t knowwwwww!



  2. Under normal circumstances I’d say that this type of adoration of likely to wear off… but Bryan has a lifetime of worshipping his mother unquestioningly. He’s been programmed from birth to hold a woman on a pedestal. So I honestly think he could make it through life keeping her there! In particular because she’s so much more attractive and intelligent than he (and has a much stronger, more decisive personality) so there will always be something for him to admire.

    As for her getting tired of him… I think that being adored is a very powerful force. And that she wants kids real bad. So I think that the combination of the two will be enough to keep her head in the game. He’ll probably be a sweet but dopey dad and plenty of smart women pick those for this very reason….



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