Hey y’all. So, I was planning to finally pivot away from the Bachelor franchise this week (despite the incredible announcement that there will be a Bachelor Winter Games airing in tandem with the 2018 Olympics, which will combine competitive sport and dating into one irresistible melange, thereby representing the highest achievement of human civilization to date). I was going to write a post about Dance Moms, which is maybe my truest reality TV love, delving into its moral complexity and downright hilarity.
But Northern California is on fire and the air is filled with smoke a hundred miles away, and I’m not feeling very frivolous. So I’m going to save Dance Moms for a later, happier date, and instead give y’all a quick list of stuff that’s good to watch when you need to send your brain to a happier place…. No wonder Amazon keeps telling me I need one of these.
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Y’all, I have had the delightful (not sarcastic!) but also bizarre experience recently of being the second set of eyeballs for a delightful friend shopping for her wedding dress. Because my friend is the most low key bride in the world (“I don’t have Pinterest. I like the color blue,” was her response to the “what’s your wedding going to be like?” interrogation by the various bridal consultants), the experience was pleasant and anthropological, and I was grateful to be of some limited assistance to her wedding journey….
However, the experience reawakened one of my more shameful addictions…. It’s hard to admit publicly, but Say Yes to the Dress is basically my version of bath salts. I say I’m going to watch a little, and then a little turns into a lot, and soon I’m rampaging through the streets biting off strangers’ appendages because TRUMPET GOWNS MAKE ME DISSOCIATIVE.
In an effort to find a silver lining to this problem, I have compiled a list of five lessons I have learned over the years from watching SYTTD…..
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That you can stick some postage on a potato and send it on the mail?!?!?
I spend so much time exhorting y’all to watch TV that will (not “may,” *will*) make you stupider, I owe it to you to share the only useful media I consumed as part of my thoroughly mediocre public school education.* I don’t know what made me think of this, but you’re welcome.
*Yes, we watched the Teri Polo Phantom of the Opera TV miniseries in my AP English Lit II class… then read the script… all in total burning at least 7 days of class time. Actually, this could explain a lot about my current life circumstances. Will unpack this further in thurpy.
Some days, you can’t handle Great TV. Some days, your brain is tired, you spent the entire day trading passive aggressive emails with those dum dums in sales, and all you want at the end of the day is to sink down into the butt-shaped dent you have made in your couch (come on, that can’t just be me) and be transported onto a light, fluffy cloud where the stakes are low and the laughs are medium-sized.
If you’re having one of those days, have I got the show for you — Powerless, on NBC. It has a fun, marshmallowy premise: in Charm City, superheroes and supervillains are constantly duking it out, resulting in plenty of collateral damage and annoyance for the ordinary citizens just trying to live their lives. Vanessa Hudgens plays a new director of R&D at Wayne Enterprises, which invents products that help protect normal people from the destruction the super-folks leave in their wake.
It’s like the sorbet of TV. It’s light, sweet and a little zingy, and you don’t have to feel bad afterwards about binging.
Oh, and did I mention that the terrific cast includes Danny Pudi, Christina Kirk, Ron Funches, and Alan Tudyk (if you don’t recognize him, then you need to go binge Suburgatory immediately).
Happy watching, everyone!
Y’all, I apologize in advance, because I’m about to be slightly educational. And if there’s anything this blog is NOT supposed to be, it’s informative or useful in any way. I’m going to bring it back to TV, I promise, but in the meantime stick with me for a hot second.
Those pour souls amongst you who have been forced to spend any significant amount of time with me already know that I believe strongly in the importance of an intellectual property system that is calibrated to reward invention without stifling innovation. IP MATTERS, PEOPLE. Not just for things like pharmaceutical R&D, but for an artist’s ability to control the use of their work, a smartass’s ability to parody freely (Scary Movie, anyone?!?), and for your protection from the knockoff Folexes and Goochees of the world.
Well, this has been a big week in IP land. SCOTUS just issued an opinion ruling that copyright can protect elements of “useful articles” (in this case, cheerleading uniforms). This is a big deal in the world of IP, and if you want to learn more about it, there’s a good article on the decision here.
But what on earth does this have to do with TV?
Well, reading about copyright reminded me of my favorite segment from the Colbert Report, and I wanted to share it with all of you. Sorry that I can’t embed it– still haven’t figured out how to make that work for non-Youtube videos. Again, I sincerely apologize if you learned anything today. It won’t happen again.
Boy, it is terrible weather for going outside today– which means it’s perfect weather for snuggling under a blanket and mainlining Netflix. What’s that you say? You’ve already burned through Son of Zorn and Speechless? You need something new to watch? You’re addicted to network TV now?
I got you, boo. This week’s recommendation is….
Wait for it….
iZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEE (and the crowd goes wild!).
iZombie is a CW show (you *know* how much I love the CW!) about Liv Moore, a doctor who gets changed into a zombie at a boat party in Seattle. When she eats brains, she has flashbacks from the life of the person whose brain she just snacked on. There’s a mystery-of-the-week element as well as a multi-season zombie conspiracy arc that involves, among other things, an energy drink called Max Rager. Amongst the many reasons you should spend your weekend with iZombie:
- It’s a dramedy. Who doesn’t love dramedies?
- It’s streaming on Netflix.
- The third season is premiering April 4th, so there’s fresh content to look forward to.
- Rob Thomas created it. As in, the dude who created Veronica Mars.
- It’s zombies but it’s funny.
- Max Rager. Ha!
- You get to stare at this guy a lot:
7. And this guy:
Yes, it can be gross at times. And yes, the mysteries of the week aren’t always so compelling. But the larger arcs are fantastic, the acting is good, and if you liked V Mars, then you should have reached for your remote like three paragraphs ago.