Jack Her Up! Or, Five Things I’ve Learned from Say Yes to the Dress

Y’all, I have had the delightful (not sarcastic!) but also bizarre experience recently of being the second set of eyeballs for a delightful friend shopping for her wedding dress. Because my friend is the most low key bride in the world (“I don’t have Pinterest. I like the color blue,” was her response to the “what’s your wedding going to be like?” interrogation by the various bridal consultants), the experience was pleasant and anthropological, and I was grateful to be of some limited assistance to her wedding journey….

However, the experience reawakened one of my more shameful addictions…. It’s hard to admit publicly, but Say Yes to the Dress is basically my version of bath salts. I say I’m going to watch a little, and then a little turns into a lot, and soon I’m rampaging through the streets biting off strangers’ appendages because TRUMPET GOWNS MAKE ME DISSOCIATIVE.

In an effort to find a silver lining to this problem, I have compiled a list of five lessons I have learned over the years from watching SYTTD…..

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Someone get me some high-waisted khakis and a pair of Sketchers fitflops…

… because y’all, I am no longer a spring chicken.  No way! You’re so young! you say, after I stare at you pointedly and cough.

But unfortunately you’re wrong. I might still have a tight body and be hot AF– you do! you are! you say after I “accidentally” kick you under the table– but I’m definitely getting to an age that will soon be described as “mature.”

As with all things, I realized this because of TV.

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Q&A: Do the Funky Chicken

I’m flattered and honored, because after answering my first advice question, I have been asked a second! Actually, maybe I’m also slightly concerned about the common sense and self preservation instincts of my readers, but…. here we go again!

Q: Anabel asks, “Are there any merits to deboning a chicken before roasting it (a la Jacques Pépin) versus just sticking the whole bird in the oven (and being done with it)?”

A: Depends on how much you enjoy humiliating your food before you eat it and subsume its life force into your own body! Only you can answer that one!